***Macey turned 9 yesterday! I did not forgot to do a birthday blog, but her party is Friday and I want to get pics then. We are also going to see Annie tonight...with dad...more details later!***
It is now time to schedule our 6 month post placement visit with our social worker and it (along with a few other things) has got me to thinking. For most people, that is a good thing, for me that is not always the case. Anyway- I have been thinking...
I can't believe that Lilly has ONLY been with us for 4 1/2 months!
There are many times that it seems she has been with us forever and even last night we had to stop and remind the girls that Lilly is picking things up and learning as fast as she possibly can. She has truly amazed us! She speaks almost completely in English, although it it's still difficult to understand. She is thriving at school, learning to read, learning to add, and she is not really "behind" at this point in school. We really learned at Spring Break just how much she loves school, she was the only one in the family that was counting the days down until she could go back.
Not only is she doing great academically, but in the last 2-3 weeks she has really blossomed socially. While camping she started playing with another little girl at a neighboring campsite and spent the afternoon playing with her. This was the first time we had witnessed her spontaneously initiate play with a person she did not know. It was fun to watch. Also, she has decided that boys are not that bad. At first she really wouldn't have much to do with them, but now she will name 3-5 from her class that she wants to have at her birthday party. Her birthday is not until the end of July, but ever since Haley's birthday party, she has begun to plan hers. It has nothing to do with the presents (a lesson my girls and I can certainly learn)but has ALL to do with having friends over! Her list is growing almost daily, but I have decided that if she wants a BIG party, she is going to get one! Oh yeah, and she watched Nemo over Spring Break, and now she wants a Nemo cake. There have also been some struggles with her being so social. She can't seem to understand why she can't go to friends houses the way her sisters do. I get the blame for this, but in reality I feel like I still need to keep her close. I know that at some point I will need to loosen up, but I don't know that I trust myself to know when that will be.
I know that I usually paint a really rosy picture of everything on my post and that is mostly because I feel it's my post and I can filter out what I don't want others to read. But, there are a couple of really good blogs of others that have adopted that are able to share the good and the bad. I have found that I really value knowing how they handle experiences that are similar. So, I will share a more open view.
The biggest thing I have struggled with lately is that Lilly tells me I am "a little bit mean, but Daddy is not mean." I do really understand why she says this, because he travels some and I am a "little" bit particular about schedules, picking up, etc. There was even one day she said, "You mean, I go back to China." That bothered me, so I pressed her on it. I asked, "Was other mama mean?" Lilly didn't answer, so I told her that I didn't want to be mean, but that when she was asked to do something that she needed to do it and that we would go visit China as a family when she is older, but that we also would come back as a family too. I since have read a favorite blog that shared a similar story. She compared that to the Israelites wanting to go back to Egypt when God was trying to lead them out. I hadn't thought about that...
A little while later she came to me and said "I know you a little mean, and that's okay mama. Other mama in China a little mean too. I know. I know." I hope I translated that right, because I took it as "I know I don't always get to do what I want and you have to correct me, but that is okay, it was the same in China too." There were other times that she repeated the same thing and I really believe that is what she means. I do have to admit that I do wish Jay had to "be mean" a little more, but that is really the case for all 4 girls and I have come to understand that. He too understands and has tried to do more too, which really helps!
Lately, it has also been an adjustment for her to not have everything done for her or go her way. We probably went a little overboard and now it is time for "real life" to start. Last night she got upset twice because she couldn't interrupt a conversation to tell me something and she couldn't pick the table that we ate at. The really good thing about it though is that after taking her to the restroom to explain it to her and to be firm with her, she got over her "mood" quicker than usual. She didn't even mind having to sit by me. Also,I really think the other girls appreciate knowing that she will have expectations similar to theirs.
There are still going to be bumps along the way. But for such a short amount of time, things have gone super. I so believe that her foster parents must have been great, and even parented in a similar style because of how well she has transitioned. I also feel that sharing this has been helpful for me, so probably more to follow at some point.
BTW- a plug for those contemplating older child adoption. We were told that it was hard, and yes that is the case. But, we haven't found it any harder than our 3 bio. daughters...it just seems that sometimes you have to go through the baby (nurturing), toddler (testing limits), and becoming a family unit, all at one time. That can be tiring, but also amazing!
